LaFace Hydrating and Firming Body Lotion

Take if From a Karen: Works Great to Stiffen Your Upper Lip or Baton and it Tastes Great!

Before I call the cops on people I don't know in my neighborhood each evening, I like to go out with my baton and see who I can club first - pretty much anyone that doesn't seem to belong, people with a darker tan if you know what I mean wink, wink. I rub a little of this lotion on my upper lip and put some on my baton at well. With both stiff as a board, I am ready to start maiming. I look for the really offensive things like chalk drawings, bird watching, sleeping in your car, or selling water. I have the cops on speed dial, and I always let them know I have "softened" folks up before they get here. When you get tired from all the clubbing, you can drink this stuff too! It provides great hydration. Finally, for that sore finger from calling the cops each night, there is nothing more soothing. LaFace really nailed my specific racist use case here. You are going to love it.

June 15, 2020

LaFace Hydrating & Purifying Serum

Purify the Race with LaFace!

I love this purifying serum. You pour it on brown people and it is like their daddy bought a building at Harvard or paid off the swimming coach to get them into an elite education so they could dodge real work. It turns them into WASPs. I have never seen class mobility in a bottle like this. Sounds like a racist fantasy? No it real. I tried it out on Juanita, my maid. It worked in like 5 seconds. The downside is that now she thinks she lives here, but at least she is now white.

June 15, 2020

LaFace Cellular Regeneration Cream

White Enough to be a Karen

This cream is white enough to make me feel like a real Karen. After several facelifts, it really enhances my upturned eyebrows which is useful when I am brow-beating people in the neighborhood. I only know one of my neighbors, who is of course white, in my Specific Whites neighborhood of this liberal sewer of a city, San Francisco, but he and I make a great white power team. If we see any brown people in the neighborhood, we know they probably work for a living and can't possibly live here. We accost them and tell them to quit their jobs and start investing at Raymond James, a good old-school white investment house. I so hate when they march around with their little slogans and write on the sidewalk or on their employers driveways in chalk unless it is white. This anti-aging cream is the best. I can assure you you'll feel whiter and younger every day helping keep racism young and healthy. Turns everything white. You can even use it on your Mercedes. Hey didn't they also make gas chambers in WWII? I love that company.

June 15, 2020